*End of the First Week of Second Semester*

Right now I am on my way to CIT. This a big basketball tournament. It brings all the Concordia's together. This year it is in Nebraska. I am going with the pep band. I am so excited to get to experience it!!!! :) I have been thinking a lot though....this semester has gotten me to look at people in a different way. I'm not sure why, but I have. It's a good thing. I have also wanted to try to look at people differently then I used to. I really have looked at my boyfriend differently. I guess he just used to be my boyfriend really nothing more. But now that we had a break of 5 weeks, it really brought us close to each other. We had to use words and not just physically touch each other. I now look at him as my best friend that I could tell anything too and not just my boyfriend. He is someone that I could go to about anything and he wouldn't mind what I was talking about. He also wants to incorporate me in to his life also. That makes me feel like I'm wanted(which is a good thing). I really do love him and hope it stays that way for awhile. Well, I'm getting sleepy...

*First Semester of College*

Time is now winding down and it is at the end of my first semester of college. Crazy, I know right. It felt like just yesterday that I was so excited to go on with a new chapter in my life and now I am living it and already through the first semester. Before I know it I will be done with my first year. I really can't believe how amazing this semester has been though. It has had it's ups and downs that's for sure. It really has had it plus's though. I have meet so many different people and have got to be involved with so many different things. I have met a boy who has become my boyfriend. I am involved with Cougar Band and that's how we met. I am also involved with CAC, which is Colleges against Cancer. That has taken up some of my time and got me to know some upper class man. I also played Frisbee a couple of times, I got to know some people that way. I also met people while in my classes or at work. I have met so many different people, I really don't think I could name them all. I also have grown as myself as a person. I have learned a lot about myself that I didn't know. I learned that even though I have drank before, I don't wan to here. I have learned that I must stick to my true feelings and never have someone pure pressure me in to something I don't want to do. I also learned that I am the person who likes to meet new people and I am really am a people person. I have also learned how to balance life. I have learned to balance work, classes, my social life including my boyfriend and sleep. I had a hard time and still kind of am balancing them all out, but I know I will sooner or later have it all well balanced  I think right now my most important thing is getting through classes and getting through this first year of college with the best grades that I can possible. I want to hang out with Zach (my boyfriend) a lot, but I know I can't because I have homework that I have to do. I really like him though, he is totally different then anyone I have ever dated in a good way. He has been so good to me and I am so glad for him. If he hadn't come into my life I bet I wouldn't of been able to make it through this semester. He is already a big part of my life even though we haven't been dating that long. I know I shouldn't get wrapped up in things this fast, but things just feel right. Overall, this semester has been amazing and I am so glad that I chose to come here. I really don't think I would be happier anywhere else. Goodnight everyone. :)

*Summer Before College*

This was the summer I had been looking forward to it, since my freshmen year. Now that I am here, it was nothing that I imagined it would be. In less then a month I will be leaving the place that was my safe heaven. Now that I realize it, I have a lot of different emotions going through my head. First of all, I am really excited (have been since I decided where I was going). It will be nice to get out and explore what else the world has to offer and get out of this town. Second, I am really scared. I am scared that I might not make it, that I am going to fail. I am also nervous, mostly about how I am going to do socially and if I can make friends or not. And, also, I am  very sad to leave all the friends that I have became close with over the last four years, escially the ones that I have became close with this past year/summer. I am just a world wind of emotions and not for sure what to do. I want to jump for joy, but at the same time I want to sit and cry my eyes out. And now I am not sure what I want to do with my life. I always thought I wanted to be a teacher, but now I really have no clue what I want to do. I really hope I find what I want to do soon so I am not taking the wrong classes. I just don't know anymore. This summer I have gotten close with some new friends and the other ones have slipped away a bit. I don't know if it is for the better or not, but we will see soon enough. I just really hope I can get through the next couple of weeks because I am going to be really busy and just want to spend all my time at home, but I can't because I have a job. I hate that this summer is slipping away from us too fast, but I know that soon enough I will be starting a new chapter in my book. Well, I guess that's all for now. Talk to you all soon.

*Thinking Too Much*

I am laying here in bed and I can't fall asleep so I thought that I would post on here since I haven't in awhile. So today I seen my ex boyfriend and the think is I still kind of have feelings for him and it was really hard to see him because I have started to get over him...then now I have all those feelings coming back to me...it is a lot to try to handle when I want to get over him. I really hope that tomorrow will get my mind off of it....I am going to my best friends graduation party. I really hope I can get over this but I don't think I will be able to. It just has me thinking and I don't know what to do. I hope I figure it out soon. Well I should get to sleep. Night.

*Little Bit of Everything*

Since I last posted on here, there has been a lot going on in my life. I am going to put different things in different categories because there is so much to tell you.
*High School Coming to a Close*
So I graduate this Sunday the 27th of May 2012. I am super excited to get away from high school. I am not going to miss the concept of it. Like going to school for eight hours straight and being with the same people every day all day. One thing I am going to miss about high school is the people I have gotten close with the past years. I am going to miss seeing my best friends everyday and just talking about random stuff. I am really going to miss that. Some of the people in my class though I will not miss at all, the drama filled ones who think they are better than everybody else. I hate those people so much. I will probably not keep in contact with half my class, which is OK with me. There will be a few teachers I will miss that I have gotten close with this past year. I am going to miss being able to talk to them whenever and just let my feelings out to them and they would never go off and tell anyone. So as high school comes to a close, College is fast approaching. I have decided to go to Concorida Unversity Chicago. I picked this school because when I went and visted it had the best enverminet of peple and that was the thing that hooked me. I have already meet some people that are going there through a group the adminsters made on Facebook. I am now even more excited to get out of high school then before. I really can't wait to start a new chapter in my life/book. I really can't wait to meet new people that like me for who I am and not judge me on how I act. I am just really excited, words can't even put it to justice!!!!!!
*Boys*
There has been a lot going on with boys lately. I started talking to my ex again. It was a bad thing I know, but I couldn't live without my best friend. I started talking to him on Facebook then we started texting again. We talked for awhile then started hanging out again. Bad idea I know. Now I have to shut him out of my life again because something about his parents or something. I don't know. I guess there are other people that can be my best friend without having to worry about it being something more. Then there is Nic. Me and him have been friends since the beginning of this school year. We talked quite a bit and he started to became a really good friend. We talked about dating before Christmas, but he didn't want too so we didn't. I thought since that, that our realionship would never be anything more. Then we talked quite a bit more and what not. He got attached to me and I didn't to him. It is this really big thing and now that I told him that I don't have as strong as feelings for him as I had before. I never thought it would come to this but it did. So I had to tell him that I didn't have those feelings for him and now I broke his heart. I really felt bad about it, but it's over and done with and I have to move on. So I am. I meet this guy on the Facebook group for the college I am going to in the fall. He is also going there. We started talking and what not and he seems really nice but I don't know if anything happen or not, but I know if it doesn't happen with him some other guy will come along and steal my heart away. It just makes me feel a tad better about the whole NIC thing because I know there are other people in life.
That's all really that's going on right now. Also I got a job at Tyson doing summer work under maintence. Well I have to take a drug and achool test on wensday and if I pass I get hired. I will pass it will flying colors. So I have a job. I'm super excited just don't know how I feel working with Kassandra becasue lately she has been on my nerves so I hope that doesn't effect my work. Well with that I should probably get some sleep casue I have quite a bit to do tomorrow. Night everyone or should I say good morning!!! :)

*Just A Little Note*

Dear person who this may concern, First off, I know you will never read this, even know that I am writing it. But I miss you like you will never know. Everytime I hear a song that reminds me of you I have to change the channel but then you are on my mind for the rest of my day. And there is never a day where I am not thinking about you. I miss all our crazy adventrues we used to have together and all our summer nights we spent together. It just doesn't seem right without you. When I'm awake at two in the morning...now I have no one to text and tell them how i'm feeling. You used to be the person..I couldn't imagaine my life without...but now that you are out of my life...It was good for awhile...then now I really want you back...I know that will proably never happen..but just in case I see you again in the futrue...I will proabaly run to you and give you the biggest hug ever...cause I miss you more then I can ever explain...I hope your life is going as planned...mine really hasn't but I have the good times...I hope you are enjoying the life that you are living...It was really hard to just leave you...one of the hardest things I ever had to do...and yes I balled my eyes out the whole way home after leaving you that night...I justed wanted to write this to get my feelings out...even though I know you will never see this..unless I tell you about....I miss you like crazy....And always will love you 5!!! <3
Sincerly, the girl who misses you lots <3

*Can't Sleep*

Right now I can't sleep...have so much on my mind...so thought I would post on here...since I haven't in forever. Well me and my supposed to be best friend got in a big fight and really over nothing. I think she is taking a way to far because she got all upset because I was telling her the truth...I just don't understand her sometimes...And before she has yelled at me out of no where and I don't understand why I can't do the same to her...not that I would want to or anything...it just aggravates me...cause I doubt we will ever be friends again..and I tried being the bigger person and texting her and trying to work things out but she don't want too but whatever anymore ....I am to the point in life...where I just stop caring and just live life....and then I posted a status on Facebook about ready for august so I can get outta here and live it up with my Chicago friends or something and she texted me and told me that we were done and she was sorry she couldn't be good enough as the people in Chicago and you know that was actually not pointed toward her and i understanding we are fighting and everything...but every status I post of Facebook while we are fighting is not toward her.....but I might be losing a friends...but I guess its a friend that never really cared anyway....so then there is this guy that I am always thinking about....he's my ex and we dated for a month and a half this summer but were partially dating before that...but we ended up breaking up while I was at camp and it just became too much for me to handle and idk just didn't want it to hurt me anymore...so I broke up with him...then when I got home from camp we talked but not much...until the beginning of August and we hung out  a few times and ended up dating again...but it didn't feel like anything was different....so then we ended up saying it wasn't right but we would still be friends so we stayed friends but we would hang out and hanging out with someone you still have feelings for leads to something more...so everytime we hung out even just as friends we ended up kissing and just made me want a realsiosnhip again with him...and then I knew I wasn't going to get it and I needed to move on...I told him one day that I needed to take myself away from him....so I did I deleted his number out of my phone..deleted him off facebook...teared up pictures....everything...I was done...but now I realized he was my best friend and I kinda made a mistake that now I lost the person who knew secrets that even some of my other best friend's I have known longer have not known...but I have stayed true to myself and have not contacted him or nothing...ya I have thought a lot about him.....a lot of stuff reminds me of him...but I know it will be better in the end...so that's what is what is best....but I better get some sleep....night everyone.........:( One week for sure

Just one of them days!!!

Oh I just wish everyone was treated fairly... I just hate how people pick favorites! I just really hate being stressed out.... Really wish school was done and over with already!!! Can't wait to get out that place!!! :( Sometimes I wish life wasn't this hard... But i guess I will learn from it in the future!!! :/ so that's been my day!!!

Homecoming Week!!!

So this week has been awesome because it's homecoming and who doesn't love homecoming!!! I love it!!! I think it's the best part of the year... You get to dress up and be goffy along with the rest of the people in the school. It's so much fun!!! But I think I don't like about homecoming week Is float building because my class is dumb and we don't have people that show up to help so it just goes bad..it's stressful.. But tonight was pink night for volleyball which is where we raise money for breast canaer and this year it was aganist erie(our biggest rivals) and it was pretty much amazing.. We had the cheering sections battling it out.. While we didn't win, it was still a lot of fun... And we all went out on the floor after the game and broke it down as panthers, that's why I love our school!! Then the parade tomorrow night and football game Friday then dance saturday!!! So exciting can't wait!!!! :) well I should probably get done sleep, so night everyone! <3 :)

First College Visit :)

So today I went to western Illinois university for a college visit. It was very over welling with all the information that they were giving me all at once. But I really liked the campus, I just don't know if I want to go to a college that is that big. But I loved the edcaution major progam, just hope I get accapted. And I have other schools I want to look at. I just don't know where I want to go yet. But I better get on that so I can start applying. I just hope I don't get in
to college and take hard classes and fail. And I hope I would like living on campus. Well I better get some sleep, so night. :)

*Monday July 18, 2011-Day 23 of LSM*

It's so sad!!! This is the last Monday at LSM this year!!! It is so sad. I hate it!!! I wish that I could never leave this place. I love it here!!! I wish all the people lived in one area, cause it sucks to be all spread out then you can't see each other during the year!!!! :( Well me and Karina live pretty close, so we will probably see each other during the year!!!! But today has been hard because I have been so tired!!! I didn't go to bed till midnight last night because me and Adele were up talking about life!! And I just can't take my mind off the whole Joey thing. I wish we weren't separated this long, but it's whatever anymore. It happened, it's over. I saw it coming eventually anyway. Then Band was amazing today!!! We were in the CFL and Rahab sounded amazing!!!! LOVED it!!!!! Can't wait for the concert!!! Then this afternoon I had my lesson which went pretty well. I have some stuff to work on and just put the final touches on my solo. So I guess all my hard work has paid off. And then I talked to Vicki, she said she was going good, but she is still in quite a bit of pain, but not as much as before. Then I talked to mom and seen how hte weather was there, same as here, hot as ever!!! I think like 105 degrees!!! It's crazy!!! I am going to be so sad, when I leave here, cause I'm going to miss all the people and music and just the experience. I would really love to come back next year, but we will see how everything goes, and see if it works out or not. But I am kind of excited to go home and see everyone and stuff, but it's o.k. I will miss this more!!! I love this place and wouldn't be the person I am today without LSM. I love it a lot!!!!! And everyone thinks I'm crazy about going away for a month to a camp just to play music. But I tell them no I'm not, because it's so awesome you don't understand!!! This is a once in a life time experience. That is totally amazing. If I never have come here, I would I not be he person I am today at all!!!!

 Me and Karina Day 23

 My toes with green underneath and blue crackle on top!!!! Amazing!!!!! Karina got it in the mall form her aunt!!! :)

Me and Maryanne!!!!!! Oh how I miss you!!!!! :)

*Sunday July 17, 2011-Day 22 of LSM*

Well the student recital on Friday was amazing. Then I could not fall asleep. But it's' OK. I made it through Saturday.The talent show and dance was amazing last night. I went crazy and everyone accepted that. I love it!!!!!!!! Then I didn't go to bed till late!!! So I was really tired today!! But I got though it. Me and Karina went to the pool today because it was so hot!!! Like 100 degrees no joke!!! Oh well then there was meetings about groups to do stuff for festival week. Then dinner was good. I had a wrap, pizza and a salad. Awesome!!!! Oh they had chicken nuggets for lunch today!!! So exciting!!!! LOL!!!! Then the recital was amazing like always. ad now I am going to bed!!!! TTYL!!!

 Me and Karina Day 22

 Pool :)

 Me and Marissa!!!!! Waiting for service group meeting to start!!! :) <3

Me and Karina at the pool!!!!!! :) Love this girl to death!!!!!!!! <3

*Saturday July 16, 2011-Day 21 of LSM*

This day I did not write in my jouranl again. So I will wing it. We didn't have morning stuff today, becuase we don't on Saturday's, which is nice so we don't have to wake up so early. So this morning I slept in and then had Class Piano at 9:30 which is not that bad. Then Small Ensemble after that. Then lunch and recreation through out the day. Then we had dorm devotions and then dinner. And then the Talent Show/DANCE!!! Oh what a night that was. The talent show was amazing, everyone here has such amazing talent, besides music, even though most of it was, it was pretty amazing. I LOVED it. Oh, then the dance!!! IT was AWESOME!!!!! I went crazy!!! Like always, but here I really go crazy and do what I want. lol. It was an amazing night. :)

 Me and Karina Day 21

 So this would have to be just some of the greatest people!!! LOVE you all!!!!! :) This was before the dance!!!!

 Me and Shelbs!!!!!! Before the dance!!! LOVE her!!! :) <3

 Me before the dance!!! :)

 Me and B.!!!! LOVE her!!!! :) Before the dance!!!

 Maryann, Me, and Adele!!!!! Before the dance!!! LOVE these both and miss them even more!!! <3

 Me and Rosa before the dance!!! LOVE you girl!!!! :)

Me and my roommate (Adele) before the dance!!!!! :) Love and miss waking up to her beautiful face everyday day!!! :)

*Friday July 15, 2011-Day 20 of LSM*

Well the last couple of days have been really busy. Packed with lessons, Band Resherals, Piano Class and small ensemble and musicianship. Well my solo is coming along, just wish it would come faster. The days have been horrible, I broke up with Joey on Tuesday night, for reasons I will explain later. Well I broke up with him becasue I was getting treated like crap, and I didn't deserve that. And he seemed like he didn't want too be with me anymore. and he was always joking about breaking up with me, which pissed me off. So ya. But he wants too talk tonight, I guess I will but it's not going to chagne lmy mind. Well Tuesday's recital was amazing!!! LOVED IT!!!!! Them singing and acting!!! awesome!!! Wednesday I had small ensemble, which went o.k. Then Band, which was pretty amazing. Then I had nothing till our picture, we had to retake. Then we went and seen "Cars" in a theater in one of the buildings You could of played Capture the Flag, but I wanted to watch "Cars"!! lolz!! Then Dorm Devotions which took forever. Then yesterday I had Musicianship which was fun, we did improving. Then Band was fun, worked more on Rahab. Then I had a lesson. which went well, I have to practice my solo a lot!! Then Class Piano was fun, had to do a piece in front of the class. Then the woodwind ensemble last night was amazing. They played a Brook Joyce piece, crazy but cool. Then today I had Small ensemble, which went pretty well. Then Band was good, worked on Gouchy Bear with the soloist. It's really hard to play in Band and have a soloist because you have to really watch your instituter . Cause the tempo will always change. So ya. Then there is the whole Joey thing. I still feel for him. It will be really hard to get over it. I mean I really really did like him a lot, a lot. I am torn. I know he treats me bad, but I really like him. And now it's weird because I broke up with him here. But I will talk to him tonight. But I doubt that will change my mind. And he doesn't care, so what's the point of caring back. Oh well, I'm done with it. We have Master call tonight then student recital, should be good, can't wait!!! ttyl!!!

Me and Karina Day 20

 A random picture I took while waiting for a rectial, and it turned out pretty cool!!!

 So we decided all to take pictures while we were held back because of a storm!! And these all the best girls around!!! LOVE These people!!! :)

 This is what I get at Morning Announcements, random, but awesome!!

 Again another photo while we waited for the storm!!! But this girl right here her name is Amanda and I could go on forever about her. She is amazing and is always there for me and I LOVE her to death and I love when she stays up till late talking to me about life and telling me what I should do!!!! I just plain out LOVE her and wish I lived closer to her!! But even if we are miles apart you will always be in my heart. LOVE YOU GIRL!!!!!!

*Thursday July 14, 2011-Day 19 of LSM*

Yep, you know me didn't write in my journal again. So I'll just outline the day again. So I had musicianship again today. Oh how boring that class is like always. Then Band which was pretty awesome today, love all the songs we are playing. Then had a lesson today, went well, worked on my solo, getting nervous about it, hope it goes well. Then I had Class Piano, which I learned a lot in like always. Then the Movere Woodwind Ensemble which was amazing!!!! :) Also, today was Harry Potter day because the last movie comes out tonight at midnight. So people were dressed up and going crazy. Quite Funny!! But I love it!!!!! :)  Then evening prayer and sleep!!! :)

 Come out of Band and they are playing Harry Potter Tunes, LOVE IT!!!!! :)

 Me and Karina Day 19

Me and Karian's matching shoes!!! :)

*Wednesday July 13, 2011-Day 18 of LSM*

So yet another time where I didn't write in my journal!!! So I'll outline you of the day. Small Ensemlbe practice today went good like usually. Then Band like always was awesome and tiring!! Then nothing all day. Hung out and took a nap. Then we had to re take our group picture again because when we took it before they had a shadow on the picture and it didn't look good so they had to redo it. Then we went and watched Cars!!! Which I fell asleep in. But I love that movie!!! :) Then Dorm Devotions, which was boring like always. Then sleep!!!! :)

Me and Karina Day 18 of LSM

*Tuesday July 12, 2011-Day 17 of LSM*

Well, Sunday was amazing, mom came and seen me. And Joey ended up coming with her and surprising me. And the concert was amazing Sunday night. The Brass is awesome. Then Monday is when everything started happening with him. He was joking about breaking up with me and stuff. which I know is a joke, but it pisses me off, he knows that. but he don't care about it. I am starting to think that he don't like me anymore. I'm just put in so much stress in this relationship and I shouldn't. And I'm always mad or annoyed at him for something. I think it would probably be best if we broke up, because I don't feel the connection anymore. So yesterday was pretty good, I had nothing and still didn't take a nap. I should of. I am so tired today. Band went well today. I tied not to fall asleep. Musicianship was boring, but that's whatever and I'm done listening to people that don't care about me. I am going to listen to me and my heart and the people that would put me in the right place. Like the people here at LSM are amazing and I don't think I could live without them. I love them and I will defenialty keep in touch after camp. Even though some of us are miles and miles apart we will always be together in some way. Well today has been tiring and I just had my lesson, which went good, but I have to work on my solo, which is kind of hard, but it's getting there. Then I have class piano and the recital later. Can't wait, it's the singers tonight. Well I want to color so ttyl

Me and Karina Day 17

*Monday July 11, 2011-Day 16 of LSM*

Again another day where I didn't write in my journal. I'm bad at doing that, I know. lol Today was Twin Day!!! Karina was twin!!! We have matching shoes and shirts and shorts that all look the same!! Yep we are pretty awesome!!! lol :) Then small ensemble and Band, the just normal day at LSM. Then I  took a nap and practiced the rest of the day. Then band sectionals after dinner. How I hate those so much. Then the Omega String Quartet which put me to sleep like always lol. Then sleep time.

 Me and Karina on Twin day!!! and yes we partially totally look alike even down to the socks lol

 Me and Karina Day 16

Me and Karina funny pic and we didn't even mean to do the same face lol

*Sunday July 10, 2011-Day 15 of LSM*

Once again I did not write in my journal. So we had church in the morning which is boring like always but you get used to it. Then we had an all hall activity where we had to write thank you cards to the people we are assigned. I don't mind it, it's just that they take time and then your hand starts to cramp up. lol Then after that Mom came to visit. I was super excited!!!!!!! I love that she would drive all the way up there just to see me. And Joey came with her and surprised me!!!!!!! I loved that!!!!!! We hung out and went to the park and went and ate at Culver's. We also went and ate at the Sugar Bowl, I love there ice cream. lol Then we had a recital that night. Praetorius Brass which was totally awesome!!!! :) Then we had a meeting talking about the week and stuff. so ya..then sleep.

 Me and Karina Day 15

 When he came to visit!!! :)

Our cluster table a mess!!! lol

Oh you!!!! The day he came to visit again!!!! :)

*Saturday July 9, 2011-Day 14 of LSM*

Today has been a tiring day and it's only 10 a.m. I hate my teeth, they hurt really bad and I can't play a lot because of that!!! I hate it. Really just wish I didn't have to worry about them. It's just something else I have to worry about. But my solo is coming along good, and I'm glad of that. My piano class today, was taught by someone else, cause our original teacher was not there. And we actually learned something. lol!!! But last night I talked to Joey. He said he has a really bad ear efection and he was going to the doctor cause it was getting worse. I hate being away from him. It sucks, because our relationship is going down hill and it sucks. I hate it. Then I go back to school in August and so does he and we are never going to be able to see each other!!! :( Even when I get home I don't think I will be able to see him a lot, because of him working in Clinton now. And I think that we might break up, because of that and I think he might not be too much in this relationship anymore. Because he seems distance, like won't tell me anything. Ad he hasn't sad I love you in forever. So I'm starting to think that maybe he don't. Well I have to go to small ensemble so talk to you later.

Me and Karina Day 14

Day 14 Funny Picture