*End of the First Week of Second Semester*

Right now I am on my way to CIT. This a big basketball tournament. It brings all the Concordia's together. This year it is in Nebraska. I am going with the pep band. I am so excited to get to experience it!!!! :) I have been thinking a lot though....this semester has gotten me to look at people in a different way. I'm not sure why, but I have. It's a good thing. I have also wanted to try to look at people differently then I used to. I really have looked at my boyfriend differently. I guess he just used to be my boyfriend really nothing more. But now that we had a break of 5 weeks, it really brought us close to each other. We had to use words and not just physically touch each other. I now look at him as my best friend that I could tell anything too and not just my boyfriend. He is someone that I could go to about anything and he wouldn't mind what I was talking about. He also wants to incorporate me in to his life also. That makes me feel like I'm wanted(which is a good thing). I really do love him and hope it stays that way for awhile. Well, I'm getting sleepy...

*First Semester of College*

Time is now winding down and it is at the end of my first semester of college. Crazy, I know right. It felt like just yesterday that I was so excited to go on with a new chapter in my life and now I am living it and already through the first semester. Before I know it I will be done with my first year. I really can't believe how amazing this semester has been though. It has had it's ups and downs that's for sure. It really has had it plus's though. I have meet so many different people and have got to be involved with so many different things. I have met a boy who has become my boyfriend. I am involved with Cougar Band and that's how we met. I am also involved with CAC, which is Colleges against Cancer. That has taken up some of my time and got me to know some upper class man. I also played Frisbee a couple of times, I got to know some people that way. I also met people while in my classes or at work. I have met so many different people, I really don't think I could name them all. I also have grown as myself as a person. I have learned a lot about myself that I didn't know. I learned that even though I have drank before, I don't wan to here. I have learned that I must stick to my true feelings and never have someone pure pressure me in to something I don't want to do. I also learned that I am the person who likes to meet new people and I am really am a people person. I have also learned how to balance life. I have learned to balance work, classes, my social life including my boyfriend and sleep. I had a hard time and still kind of am balancing them all out, but I know I will sooner or later have it all well balanced  I think right now my most important thing is getting through classes and getting through this first year of college with the best grades that I can possible. I want to hang out with Zach (my boyfriend) a lot, but I know I can't because I have homework that I have to do. I really like him though, he is totally different then anyone I have ever dated in a good way. He has been so good to me and I am so glad for him. If he hadn't come into my life I bet I wouldn't of been able to make it through this semester. He is already a big part of my life even though we haven't been dating that long. I know I shouldn't get wrapped up in things this fast, but things just feel right. Overall, this semester has been amazing and I am so glad that I chose to come here. I really don't think I would be happier anywhere else. Goodnight everyone. :)

*Summer Before College*

This was the summer I had been looking forward to it, since my freshmen year. Now that I am here, it was nothing that I imagined it would be. In less then a month I will be leaving the place that was my safe heaven. Now that I realize it, I have a lot of different emotions going through my head. First of all, I am really excited (have been since I decided where I was going). It will be nice to get out and explore what else the world has to offer and get out of this town. Second, I am really scared. I am scared that I might not make it, that I am going to fail. I am also nervous, mostly about how I am going to do socially and if I can make friends or not. And, also, I am  very sad to leave all the friends that I have became close with over the last four years, escially the ones that I have became close with this past year/summer. I am just a world wind of emotions and not for sure what to do. I want to jump for joy, but at the same time I want to sit and cry my eyes out. And now I am not sure what I want to do with my life. I always thought I wanted to be a teacher, but now I really have no clue what I want to do. I really hope I find what I want to do soon so I am not taking the wrong classes. I just don't know anymore. This summer I have gotten close with some new friends and the other ones have slipped away a bit. I don't know if it is for the better or not, but we will see soon enough. I just really hope I can get through the next couple of weeks because I am going to be really busy and just want to spend all my time at home, but I can't because I have a job. I hate that this summer is slipping away from us too fast, but I know that soon enough I will be starting a new chapter in my book. Well, I guess that's all for now. Talk to you all soon.

*Thinking Too Much*

I am laying here in bed and I can't fall asleep so I thought that I would post on here since I haven't in awhile. So today I seen my ex boyfriend and the think is I still kind of have feelings for him and it was really hard to see him because I have started to get over him...then now I have all those feelings coming back to me...it is a lot to try to handle when I want to get over him. I really hope that tomorrow will get my mind off of it....I am going to my best friends graduation party. I really hope I can get over this but I don't think I will be able to. It just has me thinking and I don't know what to do. I hope I figure it out soon. Well I should get to sleep. Night.

*Little Bit of Everything*

Since I last posted on here, there has been a lot going on in my life. I am going to put different things in different categories because there is so much to tell you.
*High School Coming to a Close*
So I graduate this Sunday the 27th of May 2012. I am super excited to get away from high school. I am not going to miss the concept of it. Like going to school for eight hours straight and being with the same people every day all day. One thing I am going to miss about high school is the people I have gotten close with the past years. I am going to miss seeing my best friends everyday and just talking about random stuff. I am really going to miss that. Some of the people in my class though I will not miss at all, the drama filled ones who think they are better than everybody else. I hate those people so much. I will probably not keep in contact with half my class, which is OK with me. There will be a few teachers I will miss that I have gotten close with this past year. I am going to miss being able to talk to them whenever and just let my feelings out to them and they would never go off and tell anyone. So as high school comes to a close, College is fast approaching. I have decided to go to Concorida Unversity Chicago. I picked this school because when I went and visted it had the best enverminet of peple and that was the thing that hooked me. I have already meet some people that are going there through a group the adminsters made on Facebook. I am now even more excited to get out of high school then before. I really can't wait to start a new chapter in my life/book. I really can't wait to meet new people that like me for who I am and not judge me on how I act. I am just really excited, words can't even put it to justice!!!!!!
*Boys*
There has been a lot going on with boys lately. I started talking to my ex again. It was a bad thing I know, but I couldn't live without my best friend. I started talking to him on Facebook then we started texting again. We talked for awhile then started hanging out again. Bad idea I know. Now I have to shut him out of my life again because something about his parents or something. I don't know. I guess there are other people that can be my best friend without having to worry about it being something more. Then there is Nic. Me and him have been friends since the beginning of this school year. We talked quite a bit and he started to became a really good friend. We talked about dating before Christmas, but he didn't want too so we didn't. I thought since that, that our realionship would never be anything more. Then we talked quite a bit more and what not. He got attached to me and I didn't to him. It is this really big thing and now that I told him that I don't have as strong as feelings for him as I had before. I never thought it would come to this but it did. So I had to tell him that I didn't have those feelings for him and now I broke his heart. I really felt bad about it, but it's over and done with and I have to move on. So I am. I meet this guy on the Facebook group for the college I am going to in the fall. He is also going there. We started talking and what not and he seems really nice but I don't know if anything happen or not, but I know if it doesn't happen with him some other guy will come along and steal my heart away. It just makes me feel a tad better about the whole NIC thing because I know there are other people in life.
That's all really that's going on right now. Also I got a job at Tyson doing summer work under maintence. Well I have to take a drug and achool test on wensday and if I pass I get hired. I will pass it will flying colors. So I have a job. I'm super excited just don't know how I feel working with Kassandra becasue lately she has been on my nerves so I hope that doesn't effect my work. Well with that I should probably get some sleep casue I have quite a bit to do tomorrow. Night everyone or should I say good morning!!! :)

*Just A Little Note*

Dear person who this may concern, First off, I know you will never read this, even know that I am writing it. But I miss you like you will never know. Everytime I hear a song that reminds me of you I have to change the channel but then you are on my mind for the rest of my day. And there is never a day where I am not thinking about you. I miss all our crazy adventrues we used to have together and all our summer nights we spent together. It just doesn't seem right without you. When I'm awake at two in the morning...now I have no one to text and tell them how i'm feeling. You used to be the person..I couldn't imagaine my life without...but now that you are out of my life...It was good for awhile...then now I really want you back...I know that will proably never happen..but just in case I see you again in the futrue...I will proabaly run to you and give you the biggest hug ever...cause I miss you more then I can ever explain...I hope your life is going as planned...mine really hasn't but I have the good times...I hope you are enjoying the life that you are living...It was really hard to just leave you...one of the hardest things I ever had to do...and yes I balled my eyes out the whole way home after leaving you that night...I justed wanted to write this to get my feelings out...even though I know you will never see this..unless I tell you about....I miss you like crazy....And always will love you 5!!! <3
Sincerly, the girl who misses you lots <3

*Can't Sleep*

Right now I can't sleep...have so much on my mind...so thought I would post on here...since I haven't in forever. Well me and my supposed to be best friend got in a big fight and really over nothing. I think she is taking a way to far because she got all upset because I was telling her the truth...I just don't understand her sometimes...And before she has yelled at me out of no where and I don't understand why I can't do the same to her...not that I would want to or anything...it just aggravates me...cause I doubt we will ever be friends again..and I tried being the bigger person and texting her and trying to work things out but she don't want too but whatever anymore ....I am to the point in life...where I just stop caring and just live life....and then I posted a status on Facebook about ready for august so I can get outta here and live it up with my Chicago friends or something and she texted me and told me that we were done and she was sorry she couldn't be good enough as the people in Chicago and you know that was actually not pointed toward her and i understanding we are fighting and everything...but every status I post of Facebook while we are fighting is not toward her.....but I might be losing a friends...but I guess its a friend that never really cared anyway....so then there is this guy that I am always thinking about....he's my ex and we dated for a month and a half this summer but were partially dating before that...but we ended up breaking up while I was at camp and it just became too much for me to handle and idk just didn't want it to hurt me anymore...so I broke up with him...then when I got home from camp we talked but not much...until the beginning of August and we hung out  a few times and ended up dating again...but it didn't feel like anything was different....so then we ended up saying it wasn't right but we would still be friends so we stayed friends but we would hang out and hanging out with someone you still have feelings for leads to something more...so everytime we hung out even just as friends we ended up kissing and just made me want a realsiosnhip again with him...and then I knew I wasn't going to get it and I needed to move on...I told him one day that I needed to take myself away from him....so I did I deleted his number out of my phone..deleted him off facebook...teared up pictures....everything...I was done...but now I realized he was my best friend and I kinda made a mistake that now I lost the person who knew secrets that even some of my other best friend's I have known longer have not known...but I have stayed true to myself and have not contacted him or nothing...ya I have thought a lot about him.....a lot of stuff reminds me of him...but I know it will be better in the end...so that's what is what is best....but I better get some sleep....night everyone.........:( One week for sure